The Obsession That Went Too Far
by Ellyndia McGovern III
Summary: A Snapist's (one who whorsips Snape) obsession is so massive that Snape himself tells her to stop...


_The boredom of Summer has struck this poor Snapist, and this little ditty is the result of too much time. Bear with me._  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recongnize.  
I also don't own Mr. Jones, who is not a figment of my imagination, but rather a real person, and who does remind me a lot of Snape. 

The Obsession that Went Too Far

  
**Introduction:**  
This is the story of a rather obnoxious girl who had a bit too much spare time on her hands. Yes, the program at school was challenging enough to keep her awake for long hours of the night, writing up lab reports and learning all of Wilson's 14 Points. But even this girl found spare time to think, and live, and breath in the air of the world created by JKRowling. She swam in its uses of epithets, parallel construction, dramatic foils of characters. She lived in the unity of Harry Potter. But her soul was in the character of Severus Snape.  
Many didn't know it, but the poor, timid, but fiercely competitive girl eventually found her literary skills blending into the world of Harry Potter. And vice versa. She kept seeing crazy connections from Harry Potter to her world. She would giggle in delight whenever someone used a frying pan, or shriek with glee when she was folding socks. She would write entire papers about the use of 'Master morality' in the books. She started comparing teachers, and found what she was looking for.- 

**Chapter One: The Obsession**  
It had been quite an interesting day. Linda was amused to see the looks of disbelief, of inspiration, at the multitute of pamplets and essays she had passed out- on bulliten boards, throughout the school, dropped on the ground. They were in bright pink, green, yellow, so anyone would see the bold headline-  


_Mr. Jones- Potions Professor?_

She didn't put her name on it, but her friends knew it was her. Though many laughed, (and they laughed out of its absurdeness), they did not once question the logic. For Linda did believe, and proved, on these bright sheets of paper, that Mr. Jones was in so many ways Severus Snape.  
It never crossed her mine how wierd this seemed.  
But she didn't stop there. Oh no. She made websites, started e-mail campaigns, considered buying TV time to get the message across. It was this important.  
Today, though, Linda was pondering over the fact that Jones had never figured it out if was her. He admonished all of them in class, of course, and Linda laughed like the rest, but secretely felt pleased that the Logician Jones could not figure out it was her.  
She walked to her door, and opened into the living room which she had lived in for all of her natural life. Her attention was drawn to her cat, Lil, who promptly mewed. She picked up the old cat, enjoying the warm weight.  
She wondered around her smallish house, wondering where her parents were. She knew her mom was at work, but where was Dad? Luckily she locked the door as she entered.   
Linda looked almost expectantly around the phone, but saw no notes indicating the local television stations had returned her calls. She too also wanted to get on the internet to check the hits on her websites, but she had the idea that someone would call.  
So, after setting her bags down, she sat back on the couch, petted Lil, and stared out of the window of the living room into her yard. Again she pondered at how Jones could not have seen it was her.   
The academic program she was in took away some precious time- tonight there was an French composition to write, a chapter in Farewell to Arms to read, and a few Trigometric Identities to deal with. But after that-  
She pulled out her list of things to do. It was not a typical teenager's list, but of course, Linda was not a typical teenager. She was a literary giant in the throes of a Jones\Snape obsession:  
_-check email  
-work on hair corollary (evidence from books)  
-search for JKR's email address (for her opinion)  
-call DelUx Printing, check rates  
-listen to 102.3 for commercial_  
Again, it never occured to Linda how odd this was.   
It was in the midst of mentally composing her email to JKR when a short rap came form the door. 

**Chapter Two: A Visitor**  
Linda was a bit startled, and her sudden movement caused Lil to get disturbed and leap off the couch.  
"Sorry, Lilly," Linda apologized. Linda supposed it was her mom. Her mom liked to knock when she was alone, just to give Linda practice in answering the door.  
"Who is it?" She asked at the door, knowing that mom would answer.  
"Is this the Delacey residence?" the voice responded.  
Linda was very intrigued. This voice was in a deep British accent-  
-almost like Snape's would be, her mind responded-  
-but Linda moved with caution. She made it to the door, which didn't have a peephole, but merely a large mat covering the windows. Linda moved back the mat, and both the face and voice hit her like a steamroller at the same time.  
"This is Professor S. Snape, Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Is there a Linda Delacey here?"  
Linda knew no more after that.  
--------  
She didn't need to sleep, not now. She had so much homework- and if she was going to find time to update her website with her latest article (one on Snape's possible inferiority complex) she needed to get up.  
But she wasn't tired. She hadn't done anything strenuous today (except a Chemistry test, but those were easy).   
So why was Linda laying on the couch?  
The Venietian blinds had been drawn, and she could see the bare silouette of a man sitting in the dark.  
"Dad?"   
"I am not your father," the man replied. "When I knocked, you passed out. Now don't move too much- you knocked your head on the doorknob as I opened it."  
"But-but-it was locked!"  
"I merely used-"  
"_Alohomora._"  
"Yes."  
Linda's head still spun, and she didn't know whether it was from the impact, or the fact that the man was really-  
"Professor Snape!"  
"Yes?" He turned, ever so slightly, and Linda was excited beyond belief to see his cloak _swish_.  
"I-I-I can't believe it! You're- Oh my god, I can't believe you're in _my house_!!"  
"Yes, well, I'm here. Now rest while I try to contact your parents-"  
"Well, mom shouldn't be home till five. But I don't know where Dad is..."  
Linda could not resist- she sat up on the couch, blankets wrapped around her.  
"Lay down, child. You'll get-"  
"But I'm fine, really!" Linda could not help but bubble with excitement. "I cannot believe this- ha! You don't know how many _questions_ I have...." 

**Chapter Three: Questions Answered**  
She clicked on the lamp next to the couch, and the room came into view. Linda was very pleased, and even more excited. The man sitting across her in the chair was indeed Snape.   
"I bet," he answered.  
Linda reached for her notebook, which (conviently, she didn't know) she had been composing a list of questions she would have asked Snape if she ever met him....  
"Okay, sir, first question- Where were you-"  
"I am not here to answer your questions," he snapped.  
Poor Linda was taken aback. This comback was one of the reasons why she liked Snape, of course, but condemnation was still condemnation, even coming from the Potions Professor.  
It is a true sign that poor Linda was disillusioned from the possible appearence of her favorite character because her logic departed. It never occured to her that this man might be some pervert, impersonating this literary character just to fufill some sexual desires.  
But, as we can see, our poor Linda was too far into the illusion.  
"-I mean, I really liked it when you blasted away Lockhart in Chamber of Secrets, we all cheered, that idiot Lockhart deserved to be blown away. All of us like it, especially us Snapists-"  
"Snapists?"  
"Yea- there's a whole group of us who worship you and all your movements. We're memorized your monologues, created theories- which I hope you can confirm or deny-"  
There was a pause. Snape didn't say anything, though Linda supposed he was taken aback by the fact that he had a "fan club."  
"So, what were you really thinking when you met Sirius in the Shrieking Shack?"  
Linda knew on some level she was rambling like an idiot, but what do you do when your favorite book character stops by?  
Snape, however, seemed to be annoyed.  
Too bad Linda couldn't see it.  
"I am actually here to discuss your, um, obsession with me."  
"_Really!?_" Her voice hit pitches very close to those only dogs are supposed to hear. "You noticed my efforts?"  
"Of course they were noticed! With the number of mediums you used-"  
"20 websites, e-mail efforts, phone chains, articles in 10 magazines, rented TV and radio time, billboards, 2000 pampletes, 1000 flyers, and a --"  
"did you not think someone in the wizarding world was going to notice?"  
"Uh......no."  
"Well they did. Your incessent battering of the world with every detail about me has resulted in endless mail from both Muggles and other wizards, asking me all sorts of asinine questions, disturbing what relative peace I have."  
Linda was truely gone from reality, because instead of feeling ashamed, she felt...touched.  
"I have been sent by the Ministry of Magic to ask you to cease and desist your efforts." 

**Chapter Four: The Contract**  
"WHAT!"  
"Your...hobby has been taken to an extreme which is disturbing the process of wizarding society."  
"I can't do that!"  
"You can...or else the Ministry of Magic is prepared to take other actions."  
Linda stopped. Even in her state, she recongnized a threat.  
"You'll do what...cast a Memory charm on me?"  
"_I_ won't...but others will- if you do not reduce your efforts."  
A pause in the room caused Linda to seriously consider the consequences. It must be obvious, because they sent him to give her the news, instead of a Ministery of Magic employee. And she didn't doubt for a second that it wouldn't happen.  
Linda sighed, deeply, full of resentment, but agreed to stop.  
Snape pulled out of his robes a piece of parchment, and layed it on the coffee table in front of Linda. He brandished a quill and handed it to her.  
"What's this for?"  
"It's so that you won't go back on your agreement."  
Linda was enough into her senses to read the contract. She was amazed how much Wizard law was similar to Muggle law. She saw it was simple- if she was to stop her active effort, and remove all but one website, magical means would not be taken. But should she not do so-  
" 'the right to the Muggle Protection Act will be removed, and any magical means that the Ministry of Magic deems appropriate will be used to force compliance.' When they say 'any means,' do they mean-"  
"They will not use the Unforgivable Curses on you," he said, "but other, legal manners, will be used. And believe me, they are not pleasant."  
This nice description finally knocked Linda into sanity. She realized that she was dealing with real people, real Wizards- who could hurt her, should she not stop.  
"Where do I sign?"  
"At the very bottom."  
She did so, in a flourish of red. The words glowed for a second, then changed the same color as the rest of the contract.  
He stood up and took the contract off the coffeetable, rolling it up nicely and putting it into his cloak.   
"And now I must-"  
_knock knock knock_

**Chapter Five: Another Visitor**  
"I think I better answer it," Linda said, getting up from the couch and going to the door. Snape moved so that he couldn't be seen from the door, should someone enter.  
_Knock knock knock_  
Linda went to the door, and asked again, "Who is it?"  
"This is Mr. Jones. Is your parents home?"  
Linda would have fainted again was it not for the steely gaze of Snape.  
"Who is it?" he asked.  
"It's my teacher, Mr. Jones." She looked back to the door. "Mr. Jones? My parents aren't here right now-"  
"Invite him in."  
She turned to Snape.  
"You want me to invite him in? Even though you're here?"  
"Yes." Linda could sense a bit of hostility in his response.  
"Why don't you Apperate out of here-"  
"No!" he was getting more hostile by the minute, Linda could tell. "Just let him in!"  
Linda, knowing better to question Snape, turned to the door and said, "My parents should be here any moment, Mr. Jones. Can you come in?"  
"Well, I can come back later..."  
"No!"  
Again Linda turned to Snape, who had hastily whispered "Insist he comes in."  
Now, dear readers, we thought Linda was a bit off the deep end. I think Linda even suspected it herself in the deepest parts of her soul. But all of Linda's analysis of Snape could not explain why he wanted Jones to come in.  
So it was with all the feelings of incredulity that Linda said. "I insist, Mr. Jones. Please come in."  
She opened the door and saw her teacher. Mr. Jones came in, and Linda could feel the two spheres of influence collide. 

**Chapter Six: Under their Eyes**  
He entered, and quickly glanced around the room. Snape had removed his cloak, and sat down in the recliner, looking not in the least bit like a wizard, but maybe an eccentric Muggle.  
Linda was thrilled.  
"Um, why don't you sit down, Mr. Jones? Would you like something to drink?"  
"No, I'm fine."  
He sat down on the couch.  
There was relative silence, except for the cat purring on the other end of the couch.  
Ocassionally, Mr. Jones' eyes would flicker to Snape, and Snape's eyes would flicker to Mr. Jones'.  
"Really, if you have company-"  
Mr. Jones' eyes lingered on Snape.  
"No, its fine, Mr. Jones. He's just..."  
"A relative."  
Both turned their eyes toward Snape, who had finished Linda's sentence. Linda, among the confusion, did have the time to remark how cool it would be if Snape was really related to her.  
"My parents should be here any moment, Mr. Jones."  
Linda made for the window, to look outside for any sign of an approaching car.  
"Linda-"  
She turned around, and turned to Mr. Jones, knowing that Snape would never address her by her first name.  
"I really came to have a word about this-"  
Mr. Jones pulled out one of her flyers. Snape's eyes were quick- they went from the paper, read the headline, then went to Linda.  
"I--"  
"Certainly it is normal to express a certain amount of enthusiasm about a subject, but there must be a limit. The degree you have chosen to take your enthusiasm is not appropriate in school."  
Mr. Jones reached for his water bottle and drank a bit. Snape, however, looked truely malicious as he took the paper up, and read it. Our Poor Linda, meanwhile, stood in between them, waiting judgement from both.  
Snape very quietly and calmly put down the flyer. He looked at Mr. Jones, and finally both of them looked upon Linda.  
Linda had to admit she has never been under this much scrutiny in her life at once before.  
She also had to admit, as both of their calculating eyes analyzed her, that they are so very similar.  
The minutes passed like hours. None of them said a word. Finally, Jones shifted his body weight, as if to get up.  
"I would request, Linda, that you refrain from posting such flyers at school."  
"Yes sir," Linda said, bowing her head in respect to Mr. Jones.  
Snape remained seated.  
"Now, I really must be going."  
Linda was suddenly freed from her spot. She walked to the door, and opened it.  
"I'm sorry that you can't stay, Mr. Jones-"  
"I have your DBQ's to grade, Linda," Mr. Jones remarked. With a smile and a low "See you tomorrow," he left the house. Linda closed the door, and with that heavy relief off her shoulders, she sat down on the couch.  
Again, Linda's fallic mind struck her, for she still had Snape to deal with.  
Of course, the fact that he didn't speak until about a minute or so after Mr. Jones was gone didn't help. 

**Chapter Seven: Farewell**  
"Was _that_ the man you were comparing to me?"  
"Yes, sir."  
Pause. "I don't see anything in common."  
Linda looked up at Snape, who was now standing up and looking out the window.  
"Oh sir," Linda said, "you have to see him in action. In class, he is much like you."  
"Really..." Snape remarked, in only a half-concerned voice. Linda could sense he was getting ready to leave.  
It was the sign that our Linda might have been back to her senses when she asked:  
"Could I have a copy of the contract?"  
Snape turned toward her. "In a few days. I have to file it, then get an authorized copy. You'll get a copy in your mail system."  
He made a move to leave. His hand was on the door when Linda remarked, "Will I ever see you again?"  
Even in her head it sounded like a lame movie line.  
Snape merely turned his head, and said no.  
The door closed as if it had never been opened. 

She stood for a moment, still in the living room, still not registering the shock of what had just happened.  
We did say that the obsession did slow down her reflexes, didn't we?  
Then it came like a raging river. All the words, the people....the fact that Linda had her two favourite people in the same room...  
"Crap!" She slammed down onto the couch. All that time, and she didn't learn anything!  
Lil felt her pain, and came to comfort Linda. Linda stroked her head and Lil purred in pleasure as she plotted the multitudes of ways to get revenge...  
Then the contract reared its ugly head. These Wizards were powerful....and if Snape really existed, she wasn't going to doubt the existance and the power of the Ministry of Magic.  
Hopes of revenge driven from her mind, she started mentally weeding through her websites seeing which ones she could get rid of. 

**Endnote:** Others might have denyed the existance of Snape until the very end, even after signing the contract. They will continue to believe that Snape is merely a book character, that Harry Potter is merely a story. But these people have not had the experience that our young Linda Delacey had. For, when Professor Snape tells you to stop, who are you to not listen? 

Especially in THE TWILIGHT ZONE. 

(Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do...) 

P.S: A DBQ is a Document Based Question- basically a 50 minute essay based on primary sources of history. Fun. 


End file.
